let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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