Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
