After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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