You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
