the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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