Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
