Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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