the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
