So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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