That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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