first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
