..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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