He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
