You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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