the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
