tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
