She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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