so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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