If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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