there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish my penis had an off switch
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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