Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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