the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
