i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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