im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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