i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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