I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize