My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The air was thick with penises
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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