you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
