East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
