I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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