And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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