i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
