If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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