Christians are straight up FREAKS
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize