he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm passing your future prison.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
