38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
