he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
