I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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