it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think i have two assholes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize