end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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