so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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