Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize