I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
