I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
