I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
