Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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