I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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