Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
