This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
