I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
