Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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