I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
