I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize