Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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