Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
