Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
