Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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