then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
