dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sarcasm needs its own font
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
