someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
