plz talk dirty to me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
