I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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