Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
