my room smells like sperm. sweet.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
