the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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